My Compass

My children are my compass. I honestly can say since their arrival into this world all of my decisions have been based on providing or at least thinking I'm providing, all I can for them. Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about being more deliberate in my decisions. I want to be less impulsive, even if I know the decision I am making is the right one to make. Want to know something? Despite thinking about going to grad school for well over 10 years, I actually made the decision to go in one day. A week later I applied. Three or four weeks later I was in classes. It the right decision, but I've spent a lot of time in front of a computer for the past two years and I will for one more while I work on my thesis. It's been tough on all of them. My husband clearly didn't know what he was getting into by showing unflinching support. I'm sure he's more than overwhelmed cooking, cleaning and carrying the load while I study. My kids have been so supportive, but when they ask me to go watch a movie or do something and I can't... I see the disappointment in their eyes. Still, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. The school will be done soon and mom will have her masters. Continuing education is important for people as we age in the workforce. It just is. So, I hope my family realizes that even though all the work I'm putting in school has taken away from some of their time, they are the reason why I am doing it. I appreciate their support and love... and believe they are the compass that is leading me in the right direction.

Mom Guilt

I'm like many of you moms out there- absolutely in love with my children. I've heard from many moms who experience mom guilt when they have to be away from their children. Just like those women- I feel it too. Moms tend to put themselves on the back burner in order to respond to their children's needs first. Understandably so, children need a great deal of attention and care. Because of that- we are tired, stressed out and often run into the store for milk in our pajama pants because we just don't have the energy to pull ourselves together. Don't judge.

How do we balance out what our children need and what WE need?

I don't claim to know the answer. 

I've noticed recently that I've started to carve out a little mommy time on Sundays. It used to be right before dinner. The last couple weeks it was when I got up. The time didn't matter. It was the act of going into my bathroom, taking a nice long shower, giving my hair an extra wash and then sitting down and blowing out my hair that mattered. It's not the most exciting routine to tell you about, but it really is exciting for me to do. Sometimes I listen to meditation music or watch a movie I've seen more than a hundred times. Many times I watch educational/inspirational videos on YouTube. The kids used to come barging in, but the last few weeks they've respected that the door was closed and waited patiently for me to come out.

I've come to look forward to my Sunday beauty time. What I've learned is that it's ok to shut the door and get some me time. I'm not ruining their lives by taking an hour or so to pull myself together. In fact- I'm better for it. I'm also aware that I may not get to take the time for myself every week- but the weeks I do, I will try to enjoy it. I suggest you try it. It's ok. It really is ok that we to find a place on the priority list. I'm writing this as much for you... as for myself to remember.

How do you take some "Me" time? I'd love your advice and input on this topic.

My Heart, My Inspiration

My babies are my inspiration. Today my sweet little 9-year-old enjoyed Iroquois day at her school. It was a day for them to learn about the Native American culture. She invited us to go but both my husband I had to work. I decided to run over on my lunch break and pop into her class. Thankfully we received an email from the teacher confirming we could just pop in throughout the day. I didn't want to be disruptive.

Getting to spend some extra time with her is precious. She's number 3. There's a lot of competition among them and the two older ones dominate a lot... so, this meant a lot to her. Her face lit up and she could barely sit still when she realized it really was me walking through the door. Warms my heart.

I have learned a lot from my children. In my little Neecie- I've learned patience. She takes the longest to get ready. She likes to change A LOT. I've learned from her that some kids are truly calm... because my other two are anything but. I've learned from her that even when someone isn't fighting for your attention... they are listening to you and everyone else in the room. I've also learned my heart can always grow and make space to love that much more.

What have you learned from your children?  

The Long Death Of Master Blue Monkey

We had a death in our family this week. Master Blue Monkey was the coolest little Betta there ever was. My son bugged us into submission to get this little bugger. We weren't sure he was responsible enough to have him. Turns out he was a pretty good little dad (at first)... but then Mom had to pester him to feed him every night.

In fact- I kinda developed a love for Master Blue Monkey. He was so excited every time I would walk up and look at him through his glass. He was as engaging as a fish could be and always wagged his little rear fin at me. I'm not kidding- I think Master Blue Monkey loved me too.

Well, in Betta time we though- Master Blue Monkey lived a long time. We had him over a year and a half. According to the pet shop people- that's about the life span of a Betta. Now that I research it on-line... I think they lied to us to make us feel ok about him dying.

About a week ago- my son recognized that Master Blue Monkey wasn't acting as chipper. The next day his head looked a little big. The next day he wouldn't eat. The next day he looked skinnier. Until several days of no eating and moving at all. He was so still- several times we thought he was dead... only for him to perk up when we touched him.

Well, finally Master Blue Monkey died. I waited for my son to get home and we fished him out, walked to the toilet and said our goodbyes. Gill from Finding Nemo says "All drains lead to the ocean"- and we thought that was fitting for him to become one with the ocean.

It was a sad, long, drawn out process and my son and I felt so bad when it happened, but we truly enjoyed him while he was here. Immediately my son wanted to go out and get another fish. We are holding him off to buy him one for Christmas (shhh-- don't tell).

It's kinda surprising how much affection we felt for this little fish- but he was truly a cool little dude!

R.I.P Master Blue Monkey.

Kitty Love

Remember when I rescued this little kitty? Her mom gave birth to her and 3 siblings somewhere near the tv station and they were just hanging out one day. Someone from the station scooped them up and brought them in and I texted this picture to my husband asking what did he think about bringing her home to the kids. He said ok- but he'd prefer a dog. I was saving her from certain death! I was her savior. She would be forever in love with me! Yay!

Not so secretly- I was wanting her to be mine. I did all the right things. I held her close. I put one of my shirts in her little basket where she slept. I made sure I was the only one to feed her. I gave her love. It was meant to be.... right?

Well, she chose my husband. Can you believe this traitor? I'm chopped liver! She'll give me attention when I'm the only one in the house but as soon as Donavan comes home- she runs to "her man"! The kids have even resorted to calling Dad "her man" when the two are in the room together!

How did this all happen? I suspect one late night when I was sleeping he put his "ju-ju" on my cat! What's "ju-ju" and how do you get it? I have no clue! I thought I had it! Clearly I was mistaken.

Boo Kitty was besides her self when "her man" was gone for an overnight trip this weekend. This is a picture of her waiting for his return. Pathetic- huh? I guess I would think it was cute as can be if it was how she felt about me. Not that I'm jealous or anything. Darn cat!

Twilight Means More Than Vampires

Yes- my inner teenage self is jumping for joy- but no, sadly I wasn't one to brave the lines and go to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn Part 2. The final installment of the Twilight series debuted at midnight in movie theaters across the country.

When I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to come to work my Facebook feed was peppered with friends (young and old) rejoicing about taking naps and being in line- and then eventual rave reviews of the movie. A little tinge of excitement helped me push out of bed for the day- as it puts me closer to seeing the movie.

My Twilight Sisters- yes, we have a group of us- will be lining up hours before our Saturday afternoon showing to ensure we get good seats. Do you doubt this? If so- please refer to just one of the many pictures I took of us lined up for Breaking Dawn Part 1 last year:

Yes- grown ladies wearing matching T-shirts... that we gathered to decorate with sparkles-- because vampires sparkle. We love it and we're not afraid to show it! When Breaking Dawn 1 came out on DVD months later-- yes- we had to gather to celebrate with an elegant wedding celebration dinner and of course watch the movie:

The books and movies are so enjoyable- but they translate to more than just a vampire flick for us. We've bonded in friendship over a common enjoyment of entertainment- but have learned we have so much more in common and this has been a special gathering of women. They are all genuine and loving individuals who come from good families, have great senses of humor and are so giving of themselves. I'm so thankful to have met them. The Twilight Saga has facilitated conversations about love, conflict, relationships- well, and yes of course the more simple discussion of whether we are "Team Jacob and Team Edward".  For the record- I'm Team Edward in the books, Team Jacob in the movies.

As the Twilight craze will eventually fade for us- we will remain friends and continue to find opportunities to gather and enjoy each other. This is not the end. It is just the beginning for us- as we get ready to gather to mark the end of Twilight this weekend.

Thank you Twilight for helping me find such wonderful friends... oh and yes some would also thank you for a shirtless Jacob.