Here is the story I wrote on May 7, 2012. Documenting my training and first 5K was a very personal journey and when I decided to share it with a few friends they shared it with others and others shared it with more. I had no idea it would resonate with people. I read it right now- and I cry, feeling the emotions just like they were yesterday.
I'm just a girl who is trying to live her life. I'm a Mom- who wants to be the best I can be but often question if I'm doing enough and I'm a wife who wishes she had more patience. Exercise has helped me to find balance and know- that some days I am good enough. I know I'm not perfect- and I think you will see in these pictures and read in my words that I'm working hard to be the best I can- despite insecurities and worries. I hope you find this story inspiring.
We lined up with little fan fare at Albany's Washington Park. No corralling us into heats. We all just casually walked up to the line and as it would be- I was at the front of the line. It wasn't intended. In fact Sarah (my YMCA Couch to 5K Teacher) lined us up about 5 feet behind the starting line but when no one stepped in front of us, we just moved into place.
I could feel my heart racing before we even started. My breath was shallow. I'm sure my eyes were dilated. I jumped around and pretended to dance to "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge. It was a great way to pretend I was just trying to keep loose. It was helping me keep loose, but also helping me to disguise my shaky body and hands. My running classmates giggled at my excitement and my efforts to take deep breaths and calm myself. I couldn't. How come they weren't as nervous as I was? Why did this run mean so much to me? This little ol 5k? There were many reasons why this run meant so much to me. It was an effort to squash 3 years of fear. It was an effort to show I am worth all the hard work. It was an effort to show that hard work pays off. It was an effort to overcome the mean girl in my brain who is constantly sabotaging my efforts.
The horn was sounded and we were off! I smiled broadly at the joy and excitement I felt! This next picture is from the Y photographer. See! I look so calm and happy. But on the inside the excitement was coursing through my veins.
Then came an unexpected feeling. I saw my family. I pointed toward them and immediately
felt the urge to cry.
I blew them a kiss and then laughed and cried at the same time! Everyone else who was running by said "AWEEE!!! THAT'S GREAT! LOOK AT THAT! OH! WHAT A GREAT CHEERING SECTION!!!"
THIS- was my view:
I had wished I could take a picture of my view but I was running, so I took a mental picture to store in my brain. Thankfully I can credit the Y for helping me show you my view! Isn't this inspiring? Four loving people, three posters and one loud cow bell! You can never have enough cow bell! So amazing and uplifting.
As I rounded the lake for the first time I was in great spirits, still out of breath but loving my life! My husband Donavan and the kids made their way to different spots on the loop so they would surprise me when I would come around the corner and hear the cow bell, and yelling and then seeing their posters and smiling faces!
Then came the hard part. My breathlessness started to take a toll. I had made it around the first loop and as I did that the man who had started next to me was next to me again once again- only he was finishing the race! Escorted by a police car he zoomed by me and into the shoot at something like 16 minutes. I smiled and took a deep breath and steeled myself for another loop around the park.
Looking at these pictures I see I need to work on my posture. This will help with breathing.. I was exhausted. This time when I saw the kids I gave them a weary smile. Donavan yelled out my running time, indicating I was on about a 12 minute mile pace. He snapped pictures and told me to "KEEP GOING BABE!"
I had to give a thumbs up because I could see the kid's concerns on their face. I wanted to let them know that I was ok and that I was actually having a good time!
I didn't have to pretend with Donavan. He understood the stress I was under so I took mental note of his encouragement and kept it moving!
Then something amazing happened in the start of my second mile. Sarah appeared by my side. She had broken off to run with one of my other classmates and now she ran to me to see how I was doing. She was like an angel sent from god. As I looked forward focusing on putting one foot in front of the other she began speaking the words I needed to hear. "Keep looking ahead. See that woman ahead of you? With each stride make your way to catch up with her. Breathe easy and deep. You have worked all these months. You have what it takes. You are almost there." Her words were my lifeline as I still hadn't caught my breath. I had started the race out of breath and it appears I would never catch it. How would I ever doubt the importance of my trainer? I had thought it might be cheating if she were to run with us. Now, it was clear that I was a student of running not the expert.
Sarah ran with me for a crucial half a mile. All I had was just over a half a mile to go and Sarah- knowing just what I needed- said "I'm going to go run with Alison. Keep going. Push. You've got this!" I nodded and then she was gone. As I tell you this now- it's almost as if it was a dream. How I remember her low, calm, deeply inspiring words- I do not know, but I am thankful I can tell you them and remember them.
Inspiration, then desperation. By myself and left to my own devices I moved forward, but then I got another visitor. This one was unwanted. The nay saying girl who lives deep in the back of my mind rent free threatened to ruin my day. I Could see her mean piercing eyes and crinkled up pudgy face. She said "Just quit. Stop running. We can't do this anymore." This deeply evil being was so convincing. She continued "You have an idea to run one of these a month? HA! You can't do that! What are you thinking? We don't even want to finish this one! You think you want to write a book about your experience? HA! How can you be inspiring to others when you can't even be inspiring to yourself?"
It was that last question that sent me over the edge! I literally said out loud "I... CAN.... DO... THIS!" and she disappeared in a poof of black! Just like that. Was she that weak that four simple words could shut her up? On this day the answer was YES!
I surged forward. I picked up my speed and headed to the finish line. But there would be one last boost to get me there.
As I ran down the hill toward the finish line my Cute as Can Be Trainer in her bright red fleece popped up over a hilly part of the park! Sarah had been running to find me! It was as if she was a mirage, but her smile on her face, intensity in her eyes and passion in her stride made me know- this was real!
"GO JODEE!!! RUN!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!! RUN!" She yelled to me and I ran faster. I started to cry. I was hyperventilating. I was laughing. Raw emotion poured out of every part of my being. I am crying now as I write this! It was so powerful.
I rounded the corner and there it was. Just a few strides were between me and the finish line. I ran as fast as I could and yet I don't think I picked up any speed. The announcer said "And there's #42! JoDee Kenney!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!" and I cried even more.
At this point I could not even breathe. No matter how hard I tried to inhale there was no more room. I just tried my hardest to get in any little bit I could. No matter how hard it was to get a breath I wouldn't stop before I passed over the finish line.
As soon as I crossed the finish line, I nearly collapsed into my children. My soft spot. My most favorite place to be is with them. They grabbed me and hugged with great concern. "MOMMY! Why are you crying?" from all three of them. I had to reassure them that I was very happy and relieved and proud of myself. They told me over and over how proud they were of me and gave me plenty of hugs and kisses to show me how they felt. Donavan was great at showing his support, celebrating my accomplishment and speed.
I was just thankful I finished. I wanted to run this whole race to prove to myself I would be able to run a 5k. I accomplished my goal. Proud is a small word to describe how I feel. Three years of fear are now replaced by accomplishment. I CAN do this. I DID do this. I can officially say "I ran a 5K!"
